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  • Dr. Joan Irvine

Growing Up Catholic: Sex and FOD

Update 03/03/24

And we wonder why Female Orgasmic Disorder (FOD) exist .......

Posted in 2023

I was raised Catholic, and I went to 13 years of parochial school (K-12) where I was taught by nuns.

So you can only imagine the very conservative views of sex I was indoctrinated with. I always wondered how people were supposed to go from being told that ‘sex is a sin and bad’ to it’s OK when you are married. What you end up with is two people who are inexperienced, have a negative perspective of sex, and don’t know how to make love.

The first time I had sexual intercourse was during the summer before college. Before I 'lost my virginity’, I spent weeks doing research in the community library on the ‘pros and cons of pre-marital sex.’ There were no decent sex education books. To say the least, this initial experience was a disappointment.

Much of what we were taught about life and sex was what our grandparents and society taught our parents, so our perspective is over a century old and doesn’t relate to today’s world. There were so many myths and fallacies that we were taught. If we still believed these, we couldn’t have good hot sex at our age. As we know, this doesn’t have to be true!!!

Another fallacy: if you had sex before marriage, you were damaged goods, if you had sex with more than one person you were a slut!! I like to reframe SLUT as a ‘Sensual Loving Uninhibited Tantalizing’ woman.

Of course, the boys did not have to live by these same ‘moral’ rules. All that mattered is that they didn’t get a girl pregnant or get a Sexually Transmitted Disease. The more girls they had sex with, the more manly they were, and it only added to their reputation. Sadly, some women did get pregnant and ended up marrying the father and living lives of desperation, raising a child on their own, or giving their child up for adoption. Sadly, abortion was not an option back then.

When I went to high school, we were never taught about sex. The closest was that during my senior year, they were supposed to teach Preparation for Marriage. My homeroom nun would not teach it since she felt if we knew more about marriage, we would want to get married sooner. Can you believe that nuns who probably never had sex or even a relationship were supposed to teach this class – duh! Plus, the nuns were always encouraging us to live a life of chastity and sanctity by becoming nuns.

These teachings had many negative ramifications on people’s lives and marriages. A very sad one is that a woman my brother went to school with, admitted that at the age of 45, her husband had never seen her naked. She would change into her nightgown in the closet, rush into bed, and only make love in the dark. This poor woman and her husband missed out on the beauty of a naked body and for her: a good-looking penis which can be such a turn-on.

Embracing a sex-positive mindset that emphasizes consent, communication, and mutual pleasure can help individuals develop fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationships. It's important to recognize that attitudes toward sex and relationships have evolved over time, and societal norms have shifted. It's okay to challenge outdated beliefs and seek a more modern and inclusive understanding of sexuality. Ultimately, it's about finding what works for you and embracing a healthy and fulfilling sexual life based on your own values and desires.

To Health, Happiness, and Hot Sex!


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